I don’t even understand the concept of how to clear my mind. I can’t even figure out a method of making my mind go blank (unless it’s something completely catastrophic). Type A’s out there know how hard this is. Even when I’m not trying to think, I’m thinking. Planning. Organizing. Mulling. Inventing. Strategizeing. Analyzing. Double Checking. Worrying. I think it’s a borderline illness. I’d trade it in right now for the bliss that men speak of:
Thinking about nothing
My husband can do it. The conversation usually goes like this:
I look at him. He looks blank. Like when you’re thinking hard, but coming up with nothing. “Bae, whatcha thinkin’ bout?”
Me: Nothing? What do you mean, “Nothing”? Like nothing in particular, nothing you want to talk about, nothing you want me to know about, or just N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
My jaw drops open. My eyes bulge. My mouth goes dry and my mind actually makes this emoji: !
Me: What?!? How the heck do you do that? You can sit there and just think about…NOTHING?!
Me: How??? Oh My GOD, I wish I COULD do that!
Him: (looking at me like “Yeah, woman. I wish you could, too. I’m sure it would be a heck of a lot quieter around here” with that raised eyebrow of his.) Just let your mind go blank.
Me: How do you do that? Like, picture a blank wall?
Him: No, you just don’t think about anything.
Me: (Bad words begin to creep into my mind as I feel like he’s keeping some multibillion dollar secret from me-for which I’d at this point kill for) I don’t get it.
Him: Just sit there, get still, get quiet & don’t think about anything.
Me: Like, just zone out?
Him: No, I hear everything you say.
Me: (My eyes roll into utter oblivion. I walk out.) Ok.
So………Apparently, I thought wrong. I don’t know how to clear my mind. I can pray, I can listen, I can meditate, but not clear my mind. I only know how to zone out. I guess zoning out will just have to do for now. Sorry guys. If I figure it out (like for real, for real) I’ll let you know. Oh, and guess who just walked into the room? The guy who mocks me by not thinking…standing there with his “Ha, ha, I’m not thinking & you can’t do it” face, mocking me on purpose. I’m trying not to kill him. Or at least do this: